Friday, October 1, 2010


We celebrated Kaden's 8th birthday last week. Kicked it off with cupcakes for his class on Friday, then a big party at Boondocks for all of his friends on Saturday. We had pizza, cake, the kids played laser tag and played in the arcade, then got soaked in the bumper boats... but a good time was had by all.

Kaden hates his picture taken, so thats about it for him. lol

Dillon loved the balloons.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


We are back
Safe and sound
We really needed to get away, to forget about "real" life, if only for just a few days
To forget about deadlines and homework, bedtimes and schedules...
Our life is busy, and happy and full...and we love it, but occasionally you just need a break.
So we packed up the kids, hopped on a plane and went to the only place in the world that has always made perfect sense
1475 Paseo Grande
No matter what is going on, I can step through the door and into my granny's arms and I feel like a carefree child again
This wonderful home is full of so much happiness and laughter, so many memories
You can still see "I love Cathleen" carved into the cabinet by my dad probably 30 years ago
There is a makeshift growth chart on the garage wall showing all of the grandkids and now great grandkids heights throughout the years.
Yes... Clay is the tallest :)
There is a library full of books, some of my favorites
And the swimming pool in which we all learned to swim
I can still picture my grandpa, gone 2 years now, watching TV in his favorite spot, rooting on the Lakers
My granny still sits every morning in the kitchen, sipping coffee and doing that days crossword from the newspaper.
She still wears that same black nightgown with the white fish on it
And my grandpa's robe is still hanging on the back of the bathroom door.
This is the house I ran to during the most troubling times in my life
My granny has always known the right words to say, and also always knew when a hug, not words were what I needed.
This is where I feel I belong
Sometimes years pass between visits, but no matter how long I have been gone, once I am back I feel as though I never left.

I love you Gran and Alexis and Stefanie... and April, Ron, Tonya and Matt and everyone else down there. You are all so very special to me.

Friday, April 30, 2010

"Night, Night"

Around 8:30 every night we start Kaden's bedtime ritual

"get your jammies on, go brush your teeth"

So he does, then he watches cartoons for a few minutes.

By 9, its lights out

"Momma, come snuggle?"

So I climb into bed with him

Trying to find room amid this heap of blankets, pillows and stuffed animals

He always flips right over... so I can tickle his back

When he's had enough he turns over and wraps his little arm around my neck

and snuggles in close to my chest

and we talk

This is where we have our best talks

sometimes about the day we've  had, or we make plans for the weekend

sometimes I tell him stories, outlandish fairy tales or memories close to my heart

I tell him about his great-grammy "with the white hair" and how much I loved her

and his great-grandddad who watches over him from heaven

Occassionally we pray together

Then I tell him that its time for him to go to sleep

And without fail he always asks "just one more minute?"

So I stay for a minute longer, being ever so thankful that he still wants his momma

He will be 8 this year and I think the time when he doesn't is fast approaching

So I drink in all this love

and I imprint these special times on my heart

We give bear hugs, mountain hugs, mice hugs

Butterfly kisses and "cheeky snuggles"

"I love you all the way up to the moon, and all the way back down to the dirt"

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Nothing much

I don't have much to say right now.
Life is good.

Love this little bum.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I blame Smiths

I always look forward to Saturday mornings, my 1 day a week to sleep in.

Clay and I have an awesome system for splitting the parenting duties

And part of this is I sleep in on Saturdays and he sleeps in on Sundays

So Clay got up and took Dillon downstairs to play.

I layed there for awhile, sliding in and out of dream filled sleep

Listening to the sounds of spring outside

birds chirping, neighbors mowing their lawns

Occasionally sweet baby giggles would drift in from downstairs

like most Saturday mornings Kaden, still half asleep

climbed into bed with me for some snuggle time

He always gets resltess and forces me out of bed before I'm ready

"C'mon momma" he says

Most Saturdays we hang low for awhile, cook a late breakfast, watch some cartoons

But not this one.... things to do, places to go, people to see

So Clay threw the baby at me and went to a side job

After Kaden asking if it was time to go 27 times... yes it was time to go

So Kaden, Dillon and I headed to the dreaded....Toys R Us.

We had to buy 2 birthday gifts and Kaden is probably the most indecisive child on this planet

But I was presently surprised when we were out in 10 minutes and there was not one bit of whining or begging involved

Then I dropped Kaden off at a double birthday pool party for 2 of his classmates

And can I just get an "amen" for finally being able to just drop him off at parties

Instead of having to sit there for 2-3 hours with the other parents, half of which are old enough to be my parents

making mindless chit chat, wishing I was just about anywhere else but there

So we drop him off, and I was feeling unusually brave... so we decided to meet my friend Amy for lunch

Yes... Dillon and I, ALONE

No back up... we were on our own.

This is something that I just do not do.

Unless daddy or someone else D is familiar with is around... I do not dare venture out with him *alone*

It all started when Dillon was about 6 weeks old and I decided to take him to the grocery store as our first outing alone.

Halfway through this momumentous trip he decided to totally wig out

And I mean wig, screaming at the top of his lungs, hyperventilating, arms and legs flailing...

I started to panic

I ripped open packages of binkies, mylicon drops, gripe water... I probably would have even given him some whiskey if they had any... but we live in Utah and thats a whole 'nother topic

Nothing was helping, his cries just kept getting louder... it seemed like the entire store was staring

Other women were giving me their knowing, sympathetic smiles

"oh that poor new mom with the colicky newborn"

I left the store in tears and Dillon didn't stop crying or sleep for the next 10 months

I blame it all on that disasterous trip to the grocery store

And since then I have avoided any and all situations where I don't have a co-pilot.

All through lunch I was on pins and needles...

But it actually went surprisingly well, no major mishaps

Dillon only hurled his food on the floor a couple times

His warning lights started flashing about 5 minutes before we left.

So we made a quick escape before WW2 started and all was well.

Thanks for an awesome lunch date Am... love ya!

So the moral for today is.. don't take your baby to grocery stores and if you do... sneak them a little whiskey beforehand.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


I am so unorganized, such a procrastinator

I am the definition of absent minded

I have wondered if its genetics because my mom is the same way

It was a daily occurance in our house growing up... searching for that missing shoe, or the set of keys that ran away

Do you think there is a "Lose your own head if it wasn't screwed on" gene? If so, I think my mom passed it down to me.

I can't tell you how many times I have lost my keys, or locked them in the car

How many times I have locked myself out of the house... having to balance on top of garbage cans to shimmy through an open window

How many cells phones have vanished into thin air

How many pairs of shoes... that are no longer pairs.

Can a dryer really eat socks? Cause if it can, mine has eaten all of the matching ones

So we are left with 1 red and 1 black, or 1 long and 1 short.

Honestly I don't even bother to match them anymore, they are in a huge basket in my closet.

If Kaden can find 2 that fit him without holes ... I call it success!

I often contemplate throwing them all out and just starting over

I have forgotten groceries in my trunk

Gone all day with makeup on just 1 eye

I have driven almost all the way to work and then realized I still had a sleeping baby in the back seat.

Mornings are like scavenger hunts looking for backpacks, purses and homework

We are always oversleeping, running late

"put your shoes on and brush your hair in the car" kind of late

take the baby to the sitter in his jammies kind of late

Too bad I forget to send him actual clothes half the time.

Thank god Kaden does his homework on his own and his school serves breakfast... or we'd be in real trouble

Then I throw the kids out of the car in my hurry to make it on time to work

"tuck and roll"

just kidding... sort of

My husband entrusts me with all of our finances

Yes, me.

I have tried different systems, online bill pay, spreadsheets, email reminders

It all seems to work pretty well, until I get that call...

"Um honey, did you pay the electric bill,...our power has been shut off!"

Ok, that has never happened...

but I have gotten a few "friendly" reminders

This is your 3rd reminder and we are going to take your 1st born if you don't pay us"

I usually remember to pay then. :)

So from now on, I am going to try to remember to be more organzied, to prepare things ahead of time, to not push Snooze on my alarm clock 57 times before I actually get out of bed.

I think that this would make my husband very happy.

But, what if I forget to remember?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Snowing in July

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
~John Vance Cheney

Friday night I had sort of a breakdown.
The kind that comes from painting on a happy face, just one to many days in a row
when inside your heart is aching.

For the most part, life is good.
My husband and my kids are happy, healthy and we love eachother

But there are a few things.... that feel broken
The pain that Kaden's "real dad" has brought back into our lives
The hurt I see in Kaden's eyes as he slowly starts to see the whole picture
The stress and anxiety I feel over the adoption process
The guilt....
The death of my grandfather
The terrible fighting that has ensued
The sorrow he would feel if he knew what was happening
Friday night it all just felt to much to bear
So when my kids were tucked safely into bed
I crept upstairs, climbed into my bed and buried myself in a pile of blankets
and I cried
For death and loss, endings and new beginnings
for change...
I clutched my blanket and soaked my pillow in the downpour of tears
The kind of tears that come from the deepest regions of your soul
I let myself feel all of these raw, real emotions
And I only stopped when there was nothing left
Then I stepped into a steamy shower
and let the water rinse away the rest of my heartache
And from that rose a new sense of peace and clarity

Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on.

And thats just it... Life goes on.
So we change, we evolve and we adapt in order to survive
Sometimes its hard, and sometimes its easy
And I am just as thankful for the hard, painful things that we go through
as I am for the wonderful, happy, easy things that happen
Because you cannot appreciate the true, warm, beauty of summer if you haven't also experienced the cold frosts of winter.

It seems to be snowing in my proverbial July.
But thats ok, we are going to make some delicious rainbow snow cones.

In so many ways, I am so very blessed.