We celebrated Kaden's 8th birthday last week. Kicked it off with cupcakes for his class on Friday, then a big party at Boondocks for all of his friends on Saturday. We had pizza, cake, the kids played laser tag and played in the arcade, then got soaked in the bumper boats... but a good time was had by all.
Kaden hates his picture taken, so thats about it for him. lol
We are back
Safe and sound
We really needed to get away, to forget about "real" life, if only for just a few days
To forget about deadlines and homework, bedtimes and schedules...
Our life is busy, and happy and full...and we love it, but occasionally you just need a break.
So we packed up the kids, hopped on a plane and went to the only place in the world that has always made perfect sense
1475 Paseo Grande
No matter what is going on, I can step through the door and into my granny's arms and I feel like a carefree child again
This wonderful home is full of so much happiness and laughter, so many memories
You can still see "I love Cathleen" carved into the cabinet by my dad probably 30 years ago
There is a makeshift growth chart on the garage wall showing all of the grandkids and now great grandkids heights throughout the years.
Yes... Clay is the tallest :)
There is a library full of books, some of my favorites
And the swimming pool in which we all learned to swim
I can still picture my grandpa, gone 2 years now, watching TV in his favorite spot, rooting on the Lakers
My granny still sits every morning in the kitchen, sipping coffee and doing that days crossword from the newspaper.
She still wears that same black nightgown with the white fish on it
And my grandpa's robe is still hanging on the back of the bathroom door.
This is the house I ran to during the most troubling times in my life
My granny has always known the right words to say, and also always knew when a hug, not words were what I needed.
This is where I feel I belong
Sometimes years pass between visits, but no matter how long I have been gone, once I am back I feel as though I never left.
I love you Gran and Alexis and Stefanie... and April, Ron, Tonya and Matt and everyone else down there. You are all so very special to me.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
~John Vance Cheney
Friday night I had sort of a breakdown.
The kind that comes from painting on a happy face, just one to many days in a row
when inside your heart is aching.
For the most part, life is good.
My husband and my kids are happy, healthy and we love eachother
But there are a few things.... that feel broken
The pain that Kaden's "real dad" has brought back into our lives
The hurt I see in Kaden's eyes as he slowly starts to see the whole picture
The stress and anxiety I feel over the adoption process
The death of my grandfather
The terrible fighting that has ensued
The sorrow he would feel if he knew what was happening
Friday night it all just felt to much to bear
So when my kids were tucked safely into bed
I crept upstairs, climbed into my bed and buried myself in a pile of blankets
and I cried
For death and loss, endings and new beginnings
I clutched my blanket and soaked my pillow in the downpour of tears
The kind of tears that come from the deepest regions of your soul
I let myself feel all of these raw, real emotions
And I only stopped when there was nothing left
Then I stepped into a steamy shower
and let the water rinse away the rest of my heartache
And from that rose a new sense of peace and clarity
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on. ~Blow
And thats just it... Life goes on.
So we change, we evolve and we adapt in order to survive
Sometimes its hard, and sometimes its easy
And I am just as thankful for the hard, painful things that we go through
as I am for the wonderful, happy, easy things that happen
Because you cannot appreciate the true, warm, beauty of summer if you haven't also experienced the cold frosts of winter.
It seems to be snowing in my proverbial July.
But thats ok, we are going to make some delicious rainbow snow cones.